Moving out of your parent\u2019s house was once seen as a rite of passage to entering the real world, one of the first early steps into full-fledged adulthood. Yet, with Canada\u2019s home prices expected to continue climbing, some prospective first-time home buyers have traded in total independence to move back in with their parents in order to boost their savings for their future home.<\/p>\n
While adult children living with their parents has been considered the norm in some cultures for decades, the number of adult children returning home across Canada has sharply increased. In 2017, Statistics Canada reported that 1.9 million Canadians between the ages of 25 to 64 lived with a parent, accounting for nine percent of Canada\u2019s adult population. This is more than double from a decade prior, when only 900,000 adults lived at home. At least 462,400 Canadians in 2017 lived on their own at some point, and later moved back home.<\/p>\n
Returning to your childhood bedroom after a taste of independence can be a difficult pill to swallow, says Shannon Stach, a registered social worker and psychotherapist.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn our North American culture, we\u2019re very pushy of being independant. I think a lot of independence grows from living on our own,\u201d she says. \u201cMany of us go out to college or university after our secondary education, which is a majority of the norm of what people experience\u2026 most of us find it very difficult to go back in with our parents after the fact that we\u2019ve lived on our own.\u201d<\/p>\n
While there may be obvious drawbacks of cohabiting with parents again \u2014 a lack of privacy, conforming to household expectations, social stigmas \u2014 those who live at home are set to substantially increase their savings if they remain disciplined.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs long as you have an idea about when you\u2019re going to move out and you put that money aside automatically and treat it as money that you don\u2019t spend, that\u2019s the most effective way to do it,\u201d says Sean Cooper, a personal finance journalist and author of Burn Your Mortgage.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re debating moving back in with the \u2018rents or rooming with the in-laws to save for homeownership, here\u2019s a few pointers from Cooper and Stach on how to make the most out of your living situation.<\/p>\n
All the feels<\/strong><\/p>\n Money and family can be a tricky combo to manage, whether it be using the Bank of Mom and Dad, or saving and living under the same roof. No matter the arrangement, Stach says that fostering good communication of emotions and boundaries between all parties is a must.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that\u2019s something that everyone needs to be mindful of, that it takes a lot of communication,\u201d she says. \u201cIf you don\u2019t have good communication between you and your partner, or feel like you can\u2019t communicate with the people that you\u2019re living with, there\u2019s going to be struggles.\u201d<\/p>\n Stach has integrated good family communication into her own life \u2014 she\u2019s spent the last ten months living in her future in-laws basement suite while she and her fianc\u00e9 search for a home in Toronto. Stach explains that while she has a positive and supportive relationship with her to-be in-laws, not every adult child or couple has this advantage. It can be difficult to be completely upfront and honest with feelings, especially to in-laws, or if one or more of the parties are not good communicators. Despite these challenges, Stach says communication needs to be clearly established from the get-go.<\/p>\n \u201cFor my job, I\u2019m often seeing many clients in a day and after I come home after the day, I\u2019m very exhausted,\u201d she says. \u201cI\u2019ve said to [my partner\u2019s] parents when I moved in that if I come in the door and I say, \u2018Hi\u2019 and I don\u2019t want to stay and chat, it\u2019s not because I don\u2019t want to chat with you guys, it\u2019s because I\u2019m exhausted from my day.\u201d<\/p>\n To make the most out of living at home, Cooper stresses the need for having a grown-up conversation between parents and adult children. Discussing boundaries before the move-in will help Millennial children stay focused on their savings, limit conflict and lend some control to the parents.<\/p>\n \u201cI think parents really need to be setting ground rules and saying, \u2018This is only temporary,\u2019 and being upfront about why they\u2019re allowing their adult child to move home, and to come up with a partnership and agree why you\u2019re able to move back home,\u201d says Cooper.<\/p>\n Stamp out mooching<\/strong><\/p>\n Moving back in with your parents might save you money, but it shouldn\u2019t become a free ride. Whether it be assisting around the house or paying a small amount of rent, Stach explains that setting living expectations will help to maintain balance in the house.<\/p>\n \u201cFor instance, we had a conversation with his parents about what they wanted us to help with,\u201d says Stach, speaking about her own living arrangements with her future in-laws. \u201cThey have a very large garden in their backyard, and so part of our duties is to help them clean up this garden in the backyard.\u201d<\/p>\n Financial expectations are crucial too. No one likes a mooch, especially if one is living with you. Cooper explains that living with your parents is a privilege, and this generosity shouldn\u2019t be scoffed at.<\/p>\n \u201cFirst and foremost, it\u2019s important to recognize this as an opportunity that not everybody has. It\u2019s about having the right mindset,\u201d he says. \u201cIf you\u2019re just treating it as not an opportunity and basically taking extra money and spending it, then you\u2019re not going to be any further ahead. You have to recognize that this is an opportunity that a lot of Millennials don\u2019t have.\u201d<\/p>\n If you\u2019re moving back home, it\u2019s possible that your parents will want to guarantee that you\u2019re living in their spare bedroom for a reason \u2014 that you\u2019re actually putting money away. This means being open about what you\u2019re saving each month. If you\u2019re not great with saving, Cooper recommends working with your parents to develop saving goals. One method of doing this is to automatically transfer a percentage of your pay into a savings account so the work is done for you. Another strategy is for parents to charge \u2018rent\u2019 as a savings exercise, then gift the payments back once the adult child moves out.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t let them know that in advance, but by doing that, at least you can force them to save and make sure that they\u2019re getting the full benefit of living at home,\u201d says Cooper.<\/p>\n Learning financial responsibility before taking on a mortgage, Cooper says, is a valuable lesson for managing personal finances in the real world. But Stach agrees that financial transparency and expectations with parents should be determined before you live together. If not, it can get awkward.<\/p>\n \u201cOtherwise, you\u2019re going to be in the midst of it,\u201d says Stach. \u201cYour future mother in-law is going to be wanting to look into your bank account and you might not have a good relationship with her at the end of the day.\u201d<\/p>\n Don\u2019t aim too high<\/strong><\/p>\n Real estate markets are constantly changing; mortgage rates and housing prices are not static. These fluctuations can make it tricky to save on a timeline or move out of a parent\u2019s home by a specific deadline. In Stach\u2019s case, she and her partner planned to live with his parents for up to eight months. Now, having been unable to secure a house, they\u2019ve had to extend their determined move out date to a year.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have to be flexible, because the market is ever-changing,\u201d says Stach. \u201cWe\u2019ve had our experiences where we lost out on two homes, and now we\u2019re reconfiguring where we want to be and what that looks like for us.\u201d<\/p>\n While it can be frustrating to find the right home within budget, Cooper advises to move out sooner rather than later. As housing prices remain high in big cities, he cautions against setting savings goals too high and advises aspiring homebuyers to keep their plans realistic. Otherwise, it could take you years to save while living at home. Instead, Cooper recommends saving a down payment of 10 percent in hotter markets, and 20 percent for more affordable areas, such as Winnipeg or Saskatoon, in addition to keeping an open mind about the type of home you\u2019ll buy.<\/p>\n \u201cFirst-time homebuyers can\u2019t expect to go out and buy a detached house right away,\u201d says Cooper. \u201cJust try to be flexible in terms of the property type because you might not being able to get your dream place right away, but you can look at condos and townhouses as good entry ports and get into the market that way.\u201d<\/p>\n To boost your savings further, Cooper also recommends picking up a side hustle for an extra stream of income. Using Uber or completing odd jobs with TaskRabbit a couple nights a week could bring in an extra hundred dollars.<\/p>\n Build a foundation<\/strong><\/p>\n In any family, there can be conflict, bickering and petty arguments. However, Stach warns that if these events become persistent, it can take a toll on mental health.<\/p>\n If you develop signs of stress and anxiety \u2014 sleeplessness, avoidance, fear about returning to the house \u2014 or, if conflict develops between you and your partner, it may be time to reconsider the living arrangements. Resentment can fester between couples if living with a parent isn\u2019t working out. Stach says that regular couples counselling can be beneficial to preventing resentment and building a foundation of communication.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want to be really careful that you\u2019re making this decision together so that one person isn\u2019t starting to build resentment: \u2018You made me do this, I never wanted to do this,\u2019\u201d says Stach. \u201cIt has to be a decision that you guys are coming to grips with together.\u201d<\/p>\n When Cooper paid off his entire mortgage within three years, he visualized the day he would become a debt-free homeowner as his motivation to keep to his savings goal. This same visualization and future planning, he says, can help future homebuyers through the tough spots.<\/p>\n \u201cRather than it being a goal, once it\u2019s more tangible, it can motivate people to work that much harder to achieve the dream of homeownership.\u201d<\/p>\n