If you share a backyard fence with neighbors, you know the rules around it can be a bit murky. Is it OK to paint your side of the fence, even if you aren’t the owner? Do you have to let your neighbors know if you plan to make changes to the fence? And, if the fence is damaged, does the owner need to fix it within a certain timeframe? To provide you with answers to these questions and more, we turned to Kristi Spencer, an etiquette coach and founder of The Polite Company.

Spencer stresses the importance of keeping the lines of communication open and being respectful and considerate at all times. When making any changes, getting permission from the fence owner is a must. Even if you are the owner of the fence, giving your neighbors a heads-up about any upcoming changes is a courtesy they will appreciate and, hopefully, reciprocate. Below, Spencer shares six fence etiquette rules you need to follow to be respectful to your neighbors.

1. Keep Lines of Communication Open
Being friendly when you see neighbors that you share a fence with can go a long way. “Look for ways to keep the lines of communication open with your neighbors, even if it’s just a friendly wave when you see them, ” Spencer says. This maintains pleasant relations and keeps the door open for any future conversations regarding the fence and other neighborhood-related topics.

2. Maintain the Fence and Surrounding Area
No matter who owns the fence, Spencer says it’s important to keep both sides well-maintained. This means ensuring it’s in good condition, looks nice and clean, and has no evident damage, whether that’s a hole or a missing plank. Additionally, the etiquette expert says you should take care of the area around the fence, including the ground beneath it. “Clear away leaves and make sure the weeds are mowed and don’t creep into your neighbor’s property,” she says.

3. Inform Neighbors About Any Planned Changes
“Even if you are the owner of the fence, always let your neighbors know about any changes you plan to make to it,” Spencer says. Making changes to the fence doesn’t just affect your backyard; it also affects your neighbors’ backyard, in both practical and visual ways. Make sure you give them a sufficient heads-up about any planned changes such as fence repairs, updates, or replacements. Not only is it the considerate thing to do; not doing so can have consequences. For example, if your neighbor has a dog that spends a lot of time in the backyard, you need to make them aware of any repairs that will be made, as the construction can affect the dog’s safety and ability to be outside.

4. Don’t Paint The Fence Without Permission
When it comes to painting the fence, Spencer says any changes should only be made by the owner or with their permission. “I wouldn’t take on any fence improvement projects without the owner’s permission, even if you are stuck looking at an ugly fence,” she says. A fence can be a large investment, and if you are not the one who paid for it, painting or staining your side a different color is something you should never do without getting consent.

5. Have a Conversation About Repairs
While ideally a fence would be repaired as quickly as possible, especially if there is a safety concern with children or pets, Spencer says the owner is not obligated to fix it within a specific timeframe. The only exception is if there is a homeowner’s association or city code violation.
If you are waiting for your neighbor to fix the fence, Spencer recommends starting with a friendly conversation. “Offer to help with the repair or a temporary fix if you can, even if it’s just something simple like holding boards or hammering a few nails,” she says. Spencer adds that your neighbor may just be waiting for a contractor or dealing with an insurance issue, so don’t immediately assume they are delaying the repair to make life difficult for you.

6. Be Considerate and Respectful
“No matter what you’ve heard, it’s good neighbors who make good neighbors,” Spencer says. She explains that when we lead with consideration, respect, and honesty, we can build precious relationships that last a lifetime. “When issues arise, approach the situation with an open mind, listen as much, if not more, than you speak, and be willing to compromise,” Spencer adds.

6 Unspoken Fence Etiquette Rules Every Neighbor Should Know by Maria Sabella | Better Homes & Gardens